look into my eyes..
you'll see.

my week so far.

hello. :) im still here. and. i miss writing. :) i hope i can write regularly again. please bear with me. i know i'll be random. as i always am. ;)

okay.. so where will i start?

i'll try to summarize my week. here goes..

last Sunday, i was assigned to play the piano during our Youth Meeting. and it was my first time. i played several times already, but im always using the keyboard. now, it's the real grand piano. i was scared to death, but also grateful because i know i don't deserve it. it's an honor to serve You. :) after church, we had quick lunch and headed to Manila Memorial in Cavite. surprisingly, there was no traffic at all and we were there in 45minutes. :) we stayed there and cleaned the place, put some fresh flowers, and replaced the old photo hanging for more than a decade. when i looked at my Angkong's face, i almost forgot how he looked like when he was still here with us. i can remember the days that i spent with him in the fifth floor of Makati Med, when nurses and doctors come in every hour to check on him.. i can remember the time when he got mad on me and my brother for fighting over a toy to a point that he let us kneel down.. i can remember the way he drinks his soup and the way he sets his hair. but im thinking.. how much do we remember? it made me realize again that life is so fleeting. anyway.. we stayed for a few hours, and when we were on our way out of the cemetery, we got caught in traffic and, believe it or not, we were inside for TWO and a half hours!!! we were so hungry and thirsty. and we can do nothing but pray. gladly, we made it home in an hour after we got out of the place.

Monday was a holiday so there's no work for me. :) i stayed home and did nothing! :) i loved it. sometimes, i get so caught up with everything i have to do and after finishing one thing, there's always next in my to-do list. it feels good to stop and just rest. :) that night, someone came and we just spent time together just talking. :)

Tuesday, it's back to reality again. back to work. so far, im enjoying my work and i've grown to love it. :) im more used to the phone calls, the orders, the different kinds of people you encounter each day. so far, so good. Grace joined me for dinner and told me about their trip to Cebu last week where they joined the Southern Conference. :) she also gave me yummy squid flakes and peanut kisses! :) joined Prayer Meeting after dinner. :)

Wednesday, still work. tutor after work. and had coffee with a dear friend. :) red cups are out that day at Starbucks! :) and it's here to stay until January 6, 2010. :) and as i always do every year, i start collecting my stickers again to get my Starbucks planner!! :)

it comes again in three lovely designs. one must accumulate a total of 17 stickers - 9 christmas beverage + 8 core beverages. :) they also displayed new designs of tumblers and mugs for sale, and decorated the place too. it's beginning to feel like Christmas again. :)

Thursday, is such a gloomy day. it was raining while im on my way to work. and i think i didn't saw the sun that day. just dark clouds and rain pouring from time to time. joined Bible Study and saw Candy again! - she also went to Cebu - *hello Candy! :) so hungry after church so cooked fried rice and ate before going to bed. :)

Friday. today. i can't believe it's already been a week. but i really love Fridays. :) it didn't rained today.. in fact, it's hot today. our weather is really weird. just when i thought that it will rain all weekend, the sun was up and shining again the moment i woke up. i picked up the groceries after work today, ate dinner, and rushed to church for a piano practice with Bro. Robert for our Sunday School worship. i went to visitation too with Pauline and Michelle. :) and.. now im here. trying to update my blog. =D i planned to go to Ace Water Spa with my brother tomorrow, but he's down with sorethroat and colds, so i guess it's cancelled. we're moving it next next week. :)

how was your week so far? :) have a happy and productive weekend everyone! :) im hitting the sack earlier tonight. :)

goodnight! :)

last weekend.

loving shabu-shabu at King One along Macapagal with Koo, Mau, Candy, Rachael, Joy, and Grace. :)

a year older.

yesterday, i turned 22.

i saw it coming. but im scared of what the day will bring. of course, i won't celebrate it with D anymore so that's a BIG change for me. and honestly, it makes me sad and makes me wanna skip my birthday.

during Saturday, i went out with Grace and we had cellophane together at Jesi. :) we ate lunch at Tempura and Dustin followed us after finishing his work. :) we walked around looking for a nice bag but got nothing. i only bought myself a book - The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. a friend told me it's a good read. :) we had yummy Halo-Halo and Palabok at Razon's before coming home. :)

when i came home, our guard gave me a paperbag with a gift from Alda. :) i also saw a huge cabinet the moment i entered the door. it's the one i've been secretly dreaming of buying - becuase my clothes are all over our house, some in a small cabinet outside, a part in my brother's cabinet, and some in Hannah's room. the cabinet is a gift from my Aunt. :) so now, i have my own place. hehe. :)

Sunday morning, im blessed that i was assigned to play the piano for our Sunday School and Youth fellowship. what a great way to serve the Lord. :) a lot of people texted me during midnight, some wrote on my Facebook wall, and others wished me a happy birthday at church. even some of my students. :) my small cousins each drew a card for me. :) i also received four cakes! WOW. and im eating one now while doing this entry. :)

my whole family had dinner together at Mann Hann San Juan. :) i love the place, it's so modern with high ceilings. :) it's just across Sandy's Pizza. the food is really good, but the company is so much better. :)

im so overwhelmed by the love and effort shown by everyone. i know that they knew that this day is hard for me.. but they all made it extra special. it's not the gifts that matter, but it's the thought that counts. :) i sure don't deserve all the love im receiving, and i have nothing but gratitude for all of you. yes you, who religously read my blog. haha. ;) i know im boring lately, i hope i can make it up to you. ;) at the end of the day, i know that i've got family and friends, and yes, God, and it's all that matters. :)

though i don't know what the year ahead holds for me, but i know that as long as God holds my hand, i can walk boldly, eyes wide open, and i'll finish this race. :)

***
"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
-1 Thessalonians 5 : 24

just a few days ago, i made one of the most important decisions in my life. it was something that will change the rest of my future - a future i have thought i have believed in for years.

some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how long you've invested your heart and soul into it. life is full of gambles, and it is a journey. there are rewards, but only if you make choices.. only if you make decisions on how you want to live your life. should i stay even if there have been too many signs that i have willfully ignored? should i hold on even if i have doubts?

and so, i choose to let go. i choose, and i choose to gamble. because this is how i want to live my life. this is how i can live my life. i may have caused pain and hurt, but whichever way i look at it, i will still cause pain and hurt, because i can never be happy anymore.

i can say sorry.. say it is my fault. because i have been weak. and i mean it, because it is my fault. in moments of solitude, i might wonder about what could have been and shed some tears. yet i do not have regrets.

i have loved and been loved unconditionally.i have been happy.

some things just could never be.

sweet reminder.

"Sorrow is one of the things lent, not given.
Joy is given; sorrow is lent.
Sorrow is lent to us for just a little while
that we may use it for eternal purposes.
Then it will be taken away and everlasting joy
will be our Father's gift to us, and the Lord God
will wipe away all tears..."
-Amy Carmichael

On this day

I just want you to know that there is nothing more I wish for in life but to see you happy, and I am trying my very best to live up to your expectations. It's hard but it's worth it.

You don't deserve anything that's happening right now. I can't blame you if one day you will just vanish, but I am trying hard to make things right and I hope it is not too late.

I love you. Always remember that.

I will always remember that..

And I will always remember this day.
This day will always be one of the saddest days of my life.

Thank you for all the memories. I'll miss you.

Happy Happy Birthday to my great friend GRACE!!!! :)
love love you. :)

midnight madness

im still here. i haven't written in, hmm, two weeks!! haha. a lot of things are on my mind. so many things to post.. so many stories to tell. but don't know where to start.

im going crazy. there are times when im just so happy already.. and then unexpectedly, when i think about it, the pain becomes overwhelming. :( why do i have to go through this?? seesh.

***
anyway.. here are some pictures from last weekend.


we are changing group assignments in church. starting this week, it will be with new sisters already. so Grace invited us to her house last Friday. she ordered two large pizzas from Shakey's and shared some of her thoughts. :) only four of us made it. but it's alright. Grace, Meliza, Czezhen, and I had a great time eating and talking. :) can you believe that there were only two slices of pizza left??! haha!

here's Grace and Me. :) i stayed longer since i only have to cross the street to get home. :)

***
i joined visitation tonight. this time with Grace and Michelle. :) Grace, Michelle, Pau, and I will be on the same group. we went to see Jessica, Charm, and Chariz. i was enlightened when Grace shared about us not being of this world. she made an example - like we were going on a vacation somewhere else, like in Spain. when you're there, you don't buy yourself a car or a house.. because you don't live there. you'd still come back to your home where you came from. likewise, we should not invest in this world. because even if we are in this world, we are not of this world.

im reminded tonight of God's faithfulness once again.

***
it's already past twelve. why am i still awake? i really don't know why. as if the darkness brings so much to contemplate upon..

sleep is important, sleep is wanted by my body, why won't i give it? my mind tells me that too, but i don't know, i can't seem to grant it to me.

thank you for getting me this book. ♥

Joyful

it's finally Friday, a rainy one at that. :) im so happy.. wait, that doesn't seem to be the right word. more than happiness, i feel joy. :) it's been awhile since i felt this way. well, there are a lot of things to be happy. first off, it's Friday! then i bought the siopaos i've been craving for eversince Grace let me tried it on Tuesday. im gonna get the book i've been looking forward to for months tomorrow! and i have a new friend. :)

i can't write down all the details. but all i can say is, i think that sometimes, God uses friends to show His love for us. :)

i attended our practice with the rest of the worship team tonight for Sunday at church, i finished earlier so i waited for Grace to finish her practice too. she came over and we watched our favorite telenovela. haha! ate the siopaos, drank my favorite cranberry juice, and talk. :)

off to bed in awhile. have a happy weekend everyone! :)

Weekend at Caylabne

during the long weekend, i joined the career gathering along with some brothers and sisters. we all went to Caylabne Bay Resort in Ternate, Cavite. we left after the Praise and Worship. the ride was longer than what i expected. there were zigzags.. we went uphill, and downhill. i was feeling sleepy and dizzy at the same time, but the people in the car were always fun to be with. :) there's Bro. Allen, Sis. Lydia, little Jade, the yaya, Koo, Candy, Sarah, Grace, and me.

we were one of the firsts who arrived. so we helped in distributing the snacks to each room and in giving some of the keys. im in the same room with Koo, Candy, and Grace. :) the room looks a little bit old, actually the whole place is a little bit old. but if there's one thing i love there - it's the FOOD! haha. ;) after dinner we had one meeting where Bro. Eden and Bro. Moses shared a few words. they shared about glorifying God in our work, in choosing our friends, especially our lifetime partners. it was really encouraging. :)


after the meeting, we went night swimming. :) too bad Grace and Candy wasn't there. i think we got up around past 11pm. it was so cold while we were walking back to our rooms. but it's okay, D was just beside me.. and that made me want to freeze time. haha. :) we took pictures together before i finally went back to my room.


after breakfast the next day, there were some group games. i only joined the first two. Ruth, Rachel, Judith, Cyrus, Daniel, and i rented a motor boat and went snorkeling. :) we really enjoyed the ride and the view. :) there were waves.. and big rocks, and some caves too. :) we got so far that we cannot see the land anymore. then we came down. honestly, there were no corals at all! but we saw some fishes.. and blue starfishes. :) on our way back, D was feeling nauseous. until we reached the island, he was still feeling bad. luckily someone gave us meds, and he was okay again. :)


i showered after lunch, and played charades with some sisters. it was so much FUN! :) so tired i fell asleep for awhile. and we left already. we were the last one who left the place, but Koo drove real fast. we stopped by Blue Wave and ate dinner at Gerry's Grill. :) im so RED here, and until now, my arms and legs still hurt so bad that i cannot wear anything fitted because of the sunburn. but it's all worth it. :) it feels good to get away from this busy city once in awhile. :)

the ber months are here again! and some people are starting to countdown the days till Christmas. ;) a sweet friend just gave me an ointment today for my sunburn, hopefully these will be gone by weekend. :)

Happy Birthday Koo!! :)