updates and some thoughts.

it's mid-week. : ) this day was quick. maybe because i was busy at work that's why i didn't noticed the time.. good. after work my Aunt and i dropped by the grocery to buy ice cream and cranberry juice. i love cranberry juice lately. : ) as usual, it was still HOT today, but it rained tonight. while eating dinner, i was looking at the sky thinking it might rain, then i saw a tornado. a tornado in Manila?!? yup! i saw it. its far from our place, but from our building, i saw it moving.. very fast. i was so scared. i wonder where it came from. after around four minutes, rain started to pour and it was gone. i hope to never see one again.

after having second thoughts on going out after seeing what i saw, i went to the mall and had my brother's undershirt's size changed. it's almost a week since i bought it, so i have to have it changed already. luckily, a friend accompanied me. : ) i had it changed, bought a top from Kamiseta, and my favorite Curry Naan and Cheese Flosss from Breadtalk and came home. : ) it feels good to be home. to have time for yourself.. do nothing and just take your time. : ) since i started working, it seems like i hardly had any time to rest. during the day, there were just a lot of work to do. during the night, i go to church and sometimes even have problems sleeping. i always thought that there's no time to waste, and i just had to go, go, go. but it's not healthy, and from now on, i hope that i'd learn to balance my time in everything. like what the Bible said, indeed there's time for everything. : )

before i end this entry, i want to share with you what i received last weekend -

a surprise package from Auntie Rebecca. : ) it's a book. it's her graduation gift for me aside from this - which she got me when we saw each other at the conference -

yummy goodies from Cebu haha. inside the book, she placed photos of me with her, and another one with Grace, Candy, Keren, and Daniel. : ) and on the first page she wrote, "What you have is God's gift to you. What you are is your gift to God". : ) love it.

please pray for me, im having colds and i think im down to something. have a good night! : )

untitled.

i've tried to post several times but i cant find the words. anyway, ill write (type) anything that comes into mind so please bear with me. today marks my first month in work. so far so good, and i can say that i learned pretty lot. : ) after work, i went to my Aunt's house to teach her how to play piano, we also had dinner together. : ) i came home to get something and went to church to have practice for this Sunday's meeting.

because i have to hand a book to my friend, i joined the small group with them even if it's already quarter to 9pm. they were reading about Be Stable. when i opened my copy and started to read, i found this - Yet a person such as this, who lives so much by his emotion, is useless in spiritual work. He must be dealt with. yeah, i know that im an emotional person, i live with my emotions, and i get carried away and easily affected with my emotions. but i just cant help it. i dont want to be like this anymore. O.o

i've been talking a lot to a friend recently and she's going through something. she's frustrated, exhausted, hurting, and.. you name it. i feel so sad for her because i understand just how it feels to be in that situation. when we talk, i cant offer any advice, i can only listen and just be here because there are just no words. : ( i myself am not that okay too. sometimes i hope that i can stand this test that the Lord has given me, but later on found myself praying that He take this away because i cant stand it any longer. to take away the pain that my friend is hurting because it's just too much to bear.

today, Maria Sue Chapman would be turning six years old if she was still here on earth. but God took her to a better place with a reason only He knows and understands. i can only imagine how painful it is for their family. : (

with these things in mind, God placed this song in my heart:

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

the long weekend

God's Big Backyard

we already finished our first four days of Vacation Bible School in our church today with the theme - God's Big Backyard. : ) where kids have a blast serving Jesus. we still have one last day next Sunday. i played with the band for the first two days and it went well. seeing the kids singing and dancing for the Lord just makes my heart smile. and they are so cute when they put their hands on their chest and pray together with the teachers. : ) we have story telling, games, memorizing of Bible verses, and crafts. there are five sites in all, and each class go to different sites per day. : )

***
while im typing this, im talking with a friend online about some things. im glad that i can open up a lot to her, and her insights are really inspiring. she told me that being consecrated, or consecrating something, doesn't mean you won't get irritated, it's moment by moment just submitting the situation and yourself (emotions and thoughts) to the Lord, especially during the moments when it's hardest. *if you're reading this, i just want to let you know how thankful and proud i am to have a friend like you. : )

these past few days, there are some times when i just feel down and sad. without any reason. like there's nothing wrong but im still not feeling okay. then when you think that you're okay, you'll see things that'd just break your heart. i feel like something suddenly stole my faith away, blinded me completely, and left me broken wholly. im tired of feeling like this, and i know that maybe it's just me.. help me, Lord. like what my friend said, there's no other way out.. so which will you choose, to walk through this with or without the Lord?

***
another Sunday evening, that would lead to Mondays again. which means it's time to go back to work again.

another week. another set of trials. please pray for me. thanks in advance. goodnight!! : )

04. 14. 09

i stated working yesterday. : ) for the meantime, i'll be working on our family business. not with my Dad since i don't know anything about car business, but with my grandmother. frankly speaking, im really struggling on whether i'll go there or not. because i didn't took up a business course. i want to work in a lab, not in an office. but anyway, i went and started working after holy week. so far, so good. : ) it's tiring, yes. but it's fun too. since i love to talk, i think i'll be enjoying my stay there because i love to sell. when i was younger, i remember selling my stickers when i was in my elementary years, my magazines, my clothes, my bags, and Lacoste shirts. ; )

as i came home from church tonight and browsed through folders of pictures, i saw these and reminded me about a chapter of my life that ended, but something new started too. : )

i miss them a lot. : )

my girls - Jen and Kara : )

Me, Jen, Ma'am Azares, and Daniel : )

as we go on..

my Love : )

im back.

hello! how's everyone? how'd you spent your Holy Week? i went with our church to the Summer Conference at Clark and just came home this afternoon. it was SO HOT when i got home!! yup, it's officially summer.

im so blessed during my stay there. thank you Lord. : ) at first, i hated where my room is located because there's no signal unless you get out of the room. and if you know me well enough, you know i hate staying in a place where there is poor signal. i just don't like it. so all i want is to finish the conference and be back and continue with my life.

but the Lord had other plans.

He made me realized that being there is not an accident, that He has a purpose for each and everyone of us. the theme of our conference is The Testimony of the Church During the End Times. in every session, the Lord spoke to me. even if i don't want to listen. we are living at the latter part of the end times. and as the end is coming near, the days will become more and more difficult. isn't it so? when we read the newspapers, open the television, surf the net, we keep on hearing about the financial crisis.. people losing jobs, losing loved ones. people dying, accidents happen.. and so on. we now live in a scary time. honestly, im scared too. im scared that when the Lord comes, i'll be left behind. im scared because i know im not yet ready.. to face the Lord. i know i didn't live my life the way i should live it, the way He want me to. a speaker shared that the Lord wants to come already, but He is still giving us time to prepare. and that we are living in a time of extreme darkness. but God's people should be the light of the world. when people see us, they should see Christ in us. and God is our source of light. a lot of times, we live in darkness. we do things that we shouldn't do. but God sees our heart, He knows all about it. while running this race, we should look to the Lord. not to our left or right, not even on our back, so we won't fall.

someone prayed "Lord, even if we fall over and over again, we won't quit. we'll keep on standing up and run the race you have set before us..". im blessed by his prayer, and i know God heard it. i prayed silently in my heart. i told the Lord about my fears about the future, on falling into temptation, that i don't know how and if i ever will know how to forgive, i confessed my sins, and renewed my vow again. after that, i just felt so peaceful and joyful inside.

i encourage you to give your life to the Lord too. though we fail, yet we don't give up because in our defeats we learn how to be victorious in Christ. : ) we may forget the vows we made to the Lord but He will never forget and He will be the One to fulfill it in His time. let us be more than conquerors.

im sick now so im off to bed. goodnight, all. and Happy Easter! the tomb is empty!! : )

this is it.

ONE PROUD TOMASINO

today is the BIG day. our graduation day finally came. like what a friend of mine said, it takes a while to sink in.. but yes, it feels GREAT. : ) actually, i just realized it tonight - school is over!! it feels happy and sad at the same time.

i'll miss doing lab works, titrating, waiting for our endpoint in quanti chem, ashing, doing MCs, taking notes of teachers who talk faster than a lightning (-Ma'am Azares! haha!), running around the lobby to find your prof just to pass something, wearing the same labgown for years, cutting monthly mass, selling foods for our mass pro, going to NSO for our feasib, spending the whole day at the library like it's your second home next to Annex, walking through flood streets inside the campus(!), anticipating Paskuhan every year and watch fireworks, waking along the field after class, having boring/cool/kind/gay profs, walking along Lover's Lane, walking under the arch, standing on the top of main building, buying ourselves siomai/dumpling rice at the car park, getting pissed the moment you find out how much you have to pay for your lab breakages... i could go on and on, but i think all im saying is..

i'll miss my college life.
i'll miss my friends / classmates.
and
thank you to everyone who walked with me through this journey. : )

a more detailed post about the event in the coming days. my mind is still somewhere else.

i think i need to wipe off my makeup and get some rest. yes, ill do that. now. buona notte! : )

March

goodbye February. it's the third month already. and today is the first day of my final exams. we'll be submitting our take home exam in professional deontology and our paper tomorrow. last test on Thursday. and.. that's it.

this is it.

part of me feels happy that im finally graduating and i'll be stepping into the REAL world already. not the kind of world im used to, but the cruel and unforgiving world. that's what they say, anyway.

part of me feels sad to leave too. im sad of leaving Jen behind. : ( but im happy that she found a new circle of friends. they're kind, funny, and loves to eat like us too. : ) no matter who we meet, we'll always have this special bond that no one can break. when the going gets tough and the tough gets going, it's comforting to know that you have a friend. : ) there are some things that only the two of us can understand. and sometimes, we don't need words. just being there by one's side, it's already enough. : )

if there's one thing i'll miss in UST, it's my bestfriend, Jen. : )

Jen.. lets not count the days, lets make each day count. : )

job fair

yesterday, i went early to school for the UST Job Fair '09. i had breakfast with some friends before going to Plaza Mayor - the venue which is in front of our Main Building. almost everyone were in corporate attires. many wore black slacks and white top, including me haha. i passed my resumes to Nestle, Coca-Cola Export, Yellow Cab Pizza Co., Monde Nissin, Jollibee, KFC, San Miguel, and others.

today, i attended our PAFT (our organization) closing ceremonies. they also made a video for the seniors. : ) after, i passed again resumes to companies who wasn't there yesterday (because they have different exhibitors each day) like PAL, Unilever, and Philippine Seven Corp., also known as Seven Eleven. : ) i also finished applying for SSS, i'll have my number by March 2. : )

later this afternoon, i talked to someone regarding my application in their company. i'll tell you the name when i get hired haha. ; ) i'll pass my resume sometime next week. : ) we all want a work, a decent one at that. and of course a good pay. hearing and seeing the news everyday about people getting laid off, the global crisis.. i just get scared about the (my/our) future. we're living in such scary times. : ( so for now, i'll grab each opportunity and i'll make the most out of it. i hope that someday, i'll be able to help, if not provide, my Dad and my grandma. they worked all their lives to give me the best in life and i can't ask for more. i feel blessed. : ) signing off now.. bye!

thoughts and updates

there's so much to do! i don't even know what to do first. we have to do our case study, poster, and collage. next week, we also have our college week, job fair, and a quiz too. our poster was due today.. and im glad that we were able to pass it this morning. thanks Reg! : ) after class, Jen and i visited Kara's niece - Cassie, who's confined at the UST hospital because of pneumonia and asthma (please pray for her.. she's only 8 months old). as usual, i picked up the groceries again and started doing Hannah's test papers because her exams will start next week. to have a little break, i went to Libis to see D at work. : ) im glad i found my way and didn't get lost. and he finished work earlier. : ) then we had dinner at Gateway before coming home. : ) it was raining today and i hate walking in the rain. glad it stopped before we left D's workplace.

***

last night, i was talking with a friend online. we were talking about random things then we were talking about death. that she wanted to die already to be with the Lord, and how happy that will be. because she's so tired of it all. i like that too.. the "putting an end" part. but something about death scares me.. not that i won't go to heaven. but im scared that when i get to heaven, i won't know the people i've known here on earth. that i'll forget everything that happened while i was still alive. im worried about my Dad.. it's funny but true, my Dad always gets worried about me when he can't reach me whenever he calls or text me. i remember when i was in my first year high school, i joined a youth camp in school. the place had no signal. i know my Dad was waiting for my text. and just when we were about to sleep, my Dad came to see me. from Manila to Laguna. haha. oh well, i can't blame him. sometimes i hate it, but alot of times, i appreciate his love for me. : ) okay so back to what i was saying.. im worried what would happen to my Dad when i die. worried about my Grandma, brother, and D. these are the people closest to my heart. the people i would give up anything for. of course there's my friends also. so there, im afraid to die. im afraid of the unknown.. and im also afraid of having someone close to me die. i just don't want to go through that kind of pain. : ( who likes? no one. so.. i just pray that the Lord will come so all of us can go altogether. if possible. ; )

but death is inevitable. it's just a matter of time.

i feel sad for Faith. a sister from our church who lost her baby Tuesday night. : ( she was supposed to give birth by the end of this month. but her baby died in her womb. i remember when we were in Tagaytay last December, she was showing us the picture of her baby and how happy she was. hay.. sometimes, the Lord just have other plans. and His ways are higher than ours. i hope and pray that the Lord would comfort her and give her enough grace during this hard time.

***
off to bed.. goodnight people. : ) may y'all have a happy and productive weekend! : )

100th

oh, this is my 100th post. hm.. so many things are running through my mind right now. i don't even know if my thoughts are coherent.

D stayed at the hospital last night to take care of his grandpa. then he texted me that his friend's mom passed away last night. : ( that friend is also his batch mate and works with him now. i feel sad.. realizing that one day, our loved ones, the people near to us, will be taken away from us, even if we don't like it. we can't avoid it, we can't do anything to stop it from happening. it made me realize once again that life could end at any moment. i always prayed for the end of the world.. not because im ready, but because i don't want to go through the pain that death brings.

i remember Nicholas Sparks' book Three Weeks With My Brother, a memoir he wrote with his brother Micah, which tells of their story as a family. they're 5 in the family, and at age 37 and 38 respectively, they are now the only surviving members of their family. i can't imagine how they went through the death of their parents and sister.

here's an excerpt:

"Did you ever wonder why things happened the was they did?" Micah asked, apropos of nothing.

"All the time," I responded, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

"Most of my friends haven't lost anyone close to them."

"Neither have mine. And Cat hasn't either."

"Why is that?"

"Who knows. I wish I could tell you, but I can't."

Micah pushed his hands into his pockets.

"Have you ever noticed that people think of us as experts on death now? I mean, whenever a friend has someone die, he or she always calls me to talk. Does that happen to you?"

"All the time," I answered.

"What do you say?"

"It depends."

"I never know what to tell them. I mean, there's nothing you can say to stop a person from hurting. Half the time, I just feel like telling them the truth. I'd say that for three months, you're going to feel worse than you've ever felt, and you cope as best as you can. And that after six months, the pain isn't so bad, but it still hurts more than you think it will. And even after years, you still find yourself thinking about the person you lost, and get sad about it. And you still miss them all the time."

"Why don't you say that?"

"Because that's not what people want to hear. They want to hear that it's going to be okay. That the pain goes away. But it doesn't. It never does. And you can't say that when the wound is fresh. It would be like pouring salt in their wound, and you can't do that to a person. So instead, I tell them what they want to hear." He paused. "What have all these losses taught you?

"That it hurts, but you've got to go on anyway."

"That's what I learned, too. But you know, I would rather have learned it a lot later in life"

"Me, too."

"You know what else I learned?" Micah asked.

"What's that?"

"That it's a cumulative thing. Mom's and dad's deaths were hard, but it's like when you lose both of them, it's not only twice the loss. It's exponential. And then, when we lost Dana... it wasn't like we lost three people we loved. It's like we lost almost everything."

Micah shook his head before going on.

"After something like that... well, even though you try to get through it - and might seem fine on the surface - underneath you're a wreck, and you don't even know it. And sometimes, it takes a while to figure out that you're still struggling with everything that happened."

i read this when i got home and tears just came. : ( i hope that i'll always cherish every moment i have with my loved ones. because time is precious and life is fragile.

mindless thoughts

i forced myself to finish my lesson plan yesterday, but, my prof didn't arrive to our class. tsk! for our thesis, Kara and i ashed our sample and we were free to go. : )

though nothing really productive happened in school today, i think i did learn something. during our first period, our prof in PGC shared her life story. i like it when she said that you know that you love when you are humble enough to set aside your pride. that there is joy in loving when you are not disappointed.. you are not disappointed when you don't expect. it made me think, do i expect returns when i give love away? we can't love someone if we love ourselves too much. simply because we're so full already. this holiday season, like the song says, why don't you give love on Christmas day. i think it's easier to give gifts rather than give a piece of our heart to others. especially when that someone is not lovable. mind you, many don't really deserve our love. but then again, may we, myself included, learn how to love unselfishly and unconditionally. just like the one who paid the price on the cross for us. : )

i finished packing my bags too, i left it with Grace and she'll be the one to register it for me. we'll be going to Tagaytay for the weekend.. but im not sure if my heart is really prepared for the conference. my heart is in Manila. sometimes i wish that time would go faster so it'll be over already. =/

our friend (former classmate) Ayee, gave birth this morning to a baby boy. we'll be visiting her tomorrow at Chinese General Hospital. : ) Ma'am Hashim too gave birth this Monday, to a healthy baby girl who weighs 7.3lbs. : ) dami babies. : )

i should sleep now. but im still waiting for Joy to come home. and Daniel to get home too. it's their company's Christmas party tonight. : ) and tomorrow will be Paskuhan at UST. : ) im excited. even if im there every year. i love the fireworks! and how the whole UST community gathers together. : ) as of what i know, we are 30,000 all in all in UST. many huh. and yes, who wouldn't love the lights? they're so beautiful. : ) i'll take a picture and i'll show you. : )

anyhow.. im signing off and will prepare my things for tomorrow. goodnight everyone! : )

ciao! :o)

food and some thoughts

tonight, we went to Tempura at U.N Avenue to have dinner. : )

happy shrimp haha : )

gindara teriyaki
yummy fish! : ) but way too small for us.

tori teriyaki

boneless chicken leg barbeque with sumptuous teriyaki sauce

ebi tempura
always present whenever we visit a Japanese resto.

we also had Sukiyakidon, Gyuniku Teppanyaki, Salmon Sashimi, fried rice, and Coffee Jelly. : ) soo full! the food was good.. and priced reasonably. : )

*shifts mood*

change is in the air. i never used to like change, i always found it unsettling and worrying but along the line i have learned to embrace it, to see it for what it is, something to aspire to, a chance to move on from any ruts we find ourselves in, a chance to refine areas of our lives or ourselves that we have left neglected.

it's the season for change too. it's there every morning when i step outside into the silence, the cool freshness of the air. soon, it will be Christmas already. : )

i can feel and see huge change in myself, not just physical but emotional, mental change. a change in attitude and in outlook and change in looking inwards too. : ) hopefully, we'll all change for the better. : )

***

my BIG little brother. : )

goodnight people! :o)