last weekend.

loving shabu-shabu at King One along Macapagal with Koo, Mau, Candy, Rachael, Joy, and Grace. :)

a year older.

yesterday, i turned 22.

i saw it coming. but im scared of what the day will bring. of course, i won't celebrate it with D anymore so that's a BIG change for me. and honestly, it makes me sad and makes me wanna skip my birthday.

during Saturday, i went out with Grace and we had cellophane together at Jesi. :) we ate lunch at Tempura and Dustin followed us after finishing his work. :) we walked around looking for a nice bag but got nothing. i only bought myself a book - The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. a friend told me it's a good read. :) we had yummy Halo-Halo and Palabok at Razon's before coming home. :)

when i came home, our guard gave me a paperbag with a gift from Alda. :) i also saw a huge cabinet the moment i entered the door. it's the one i've been secretly dreaming of buying - becuase my clothes are all over our house, some in a small cabinet outside, a part in my brother's cabinet, and some in Hannah's room. the cabinet is a gift from my Aunt. :) so now, i have my own place. hehe. :)

Sunday morning, im blessed that i was assigned to play the piano for our Sunday School and Youth fellowship. what a great way to serve the Lord. :) a lot of people texted me during midnight, some wrote on my Facebook wall, and others wished me a happy birthday at church. even some of my students. :) my small cousins each drew a card for me. :) i also received four cakes! WOW. and im eating one now while doing this entry. :)

my whole family had dinner together at Mann Hann San Juan. :) i love the place, it's so modern with high ceilings. :) it's just across Sandy's Pizza. the food is really good, but the company is so much better. :)

im so overwhelmed by the love and effort shown by everyone. i know that they knew that this day is hard for me.. but they all made it extra special. it's not the gifts that matter, but it's the thought that counts. :) i sure don't deserve all the love im receiving, and i have nothing but gratitude for all of you. yes you, who religously read my blog. haha. ;) i know im boring lately, i hope i can make it up to you. ;) at the end of the day, i know that i've got family and friends, and yes, God, and it's all that matters. :)

though i don't know what the year ahead holds for me, but i know that as long as God holds my hand, i can walk boldly, eyes wide open, and i'll finish this race. :)

***
"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
-1 Thessalonians 5 : 24

just a few days ago, i made one of the most important decisions in my life. it was something that will change the rest of my future - a future i have thought i have believed in for years.

some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how long you've invested your heart and soul into it. life is full of gambles, and it is a journey. there are rewards, but only if you make choices.. only if you make decisions on how you want to live your life. should i stay even if there have been too many signs that i have willfully ignored? should i hold on even if i have doubts?

and so, i choose to let go. i choose, and i choose to gamble. because this is how i want to live my life. this is how i can live my life. i may have caused pain and hurt, but whichever way i look at it, i will still cause pain and hurt, because i can never be happy anymore.

i can say sorry.. say it is my fault. because i have been weak. and i mean it, because it is my fault. in moments of solitude, i might wonder about what could have been and shed some tears. yet i do not have regrets.

i have loved and been loved unconditionally.i have been happy.

some things just could never be.

sweet reminder.

"Sorrow is one of the things lent, not given.
Joy is given; sorrow is lent.
Sorrow is lent to us for just a little while
that we may use it for eternal purposes.
Then it will be taken away and everlasting joy
will be our Father's gift to us, and the Lord God
will wipe away all tears..."
-Amy Carmichael

On this day

I just want you to know that there is nothing more I wish for in life but to see you happy, and I am trying my very best to live up to your expectations. It's hard but it's worth it.

You don't deserve anything that's happening right now. I can't blame you if one day you will just vanish, but I am trying hard to make things right and I hope it is not too late.

I love you. Always remember that.

I will always remember that..

And I will always remember this day.
This day will always be one of the saddest days of my life.

Thank you for all the memories. I'll miss you.